Little Things.

listening to: somewhere around here - chairlift.
reading: diva- alex flinn (still stuck in my crappy romance novel craving)
watching: teen tourettes camp on youtube.
eating: air.
drinking: air.



and somehow i still know they're your steps even when you aren't taking them.

and so, initially that's what it's about. simple pleasures that make you happy, no matter what.
i'm thinking about:

who's the one person in your life that truly made you the happiest you could be?

and i mean, literally the happiest you can remember. and you'll know, because it will be clear in your mind, clearer than everything else. i know my person now. and i'm so grateful to them, even though things are rough, and sometimes you land on your ass. hey, it happens.

but really think about it:

could you tell them anything? anything at all?
could you always laugh with them, even when you were crying?
when you were all alone and frightened, did they come and keep you company and comfort you?
when you stepped into something new and alien, did they hold your hand?
when you were practically dying of an anxiety attack, did you feel like you were the safest you could possibly be when they held you?

like i outlined in a previous blog, there are different meanings to the word love. and i'm sad to say that a lot of people including myself really did the pooch on this one. i was always concerned about "not being myself" and "not being how i used to be". but then i had an epiphany, and realised that was totally normal. i can't define something that is ever-changing! how can you possibly know who "you" are, if "you" always changes to different things through manipulation of different experiences? exactly. you can't define it.

but the best part about the person that makes you a whole, is they love you for who that ever-changing person is. they love them all the time, they adjust. so really, humans aren't the quickest adapting animals out there, that awesome kid who puts up with you is. (that's right, they're a species of their own)

so what i basically wanted to say is:

thanks for the sprinkler kisses, the park picnics, the salmon cakes and the COD 2 battles (o hai stalin quotes), the late afternoon swims, the beautiful low heeled spats, thanks for the security, the discounted popcorn chicken, thanks for handing me stuff when i was puking in your bathroom (yes, even through the nitty gritty side of things), thanks for holding my hand when i was nervous, the intense conversations with hardly any content, thanks for treating lamby the way i do (he's totally real, don't deny it), thanks for the sheet fortresses, the smiles and the osama-bin-puppy face.

i know things suck now. and this isn't a whinge. this is a thankyou. you seriously improved my outlook on myself and my life, and if i could say this all to your face, i totally would. but i'm sort of frightened you'll eat me. so this will have to suffice. thanks for everything. *hearts*